Love and Marriage
Published by Stanley Pouw in 2025 · 2 March 2025
What are the practical guidelines for the life of a Christian? Peter said, “For so is the will of God that with well‑doing you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men.” Peter said you need to live so that no one can cast any doubt on Christianity by the kind of life that you’re living. Christians are to so live so that they shut the mouths of all the critics of Christianity.
In Hebrews 13 we find that it is important for us to do good works, not only because some people get saved, but because God gets glorified. So the glory of God is another reason that the believer is to live a pure life, a life that is without rebuke. The only valid slander they can make is when they slander us for doing well. Let us be criticized for our well‑doing, not for our evil.
Jesus said the same thing in the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5:16: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” A good son brings honor to his father; that’s true spiritually also. And we should so live, that when men see us they give glory to God. And believe me, I’m not talking about theatrical goodness.
Now as we look at Hebrews 13, there are three things: the ethics, the example, and the energy. What are the ethics? Who is our example, or whom are our examples? And what is the energy to carry out the ethics? All three are very important: the ethics, the example, and the energy. For the first eleven chapters are the warnings to those on the edge of Christianity to come all the way to Christ.
The specifics come in Hebrews 13 which is the climax. There can be no ethics unless there is doctrine. You cannot require something of somebody unless there is an underlying, under-girding, universal moral law that gives the right and the necessity of that ethic to exist. And so you don’t require of a man anything until you have laid a foundation for the requirement.
Now the term “ethic,” means a standard of conduct or moral judgment. And we believe there are absolutes. Now the ethics are divided into three categories. Number one, in relation to others, or how we act toward others. Secondly, how we act toward ourselves. And ethics in relation to God, how we act toward God. Now remember, we are supposing that you already believe in Christ.
Number one, the first ethic is sustained love. Verse 1, “Let brotherly love continue.” It really is a feature that overrides everything else. Now this is sustained love. This is the supreme ethic for the Christian to follow, and that is that he loves his brother. Brotherly love is one word in the Greek, it’s the word Philadelphia. Christians when speaking of other Jews who weren’t saved, considered them as brethren.
We need to love our brothers in Christ. For they are, though not physically from the same womb, spiritually from the same womb, having been born again, having gone through the new birth. We’re all brothers in Christ. He that is joined to the Lord is one spirit, we’re one. We’re all children; we’re brothers of Christ. He’s not ashamed to call us brethren. We’re heirs and joint heirs with Christ.
1 Peter 1:22 says, “That you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren.” One of the by‑products of obeying the truth is unfeigned love of the brethren. Reach out for the unlovable one. What is he saying? “Seeing that you have brotherly love, exercise it.” That’s exactly what the whole New Testament is all about.
1 John 5:1 says, “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father also loves the one born of Him.” What does that mean? That means if you love Him, you’re going to love all the others who love Him. That’s just part of being saved. Keep yourselves in the love of God. Don’t find it, and pray for it, you’ve got it, just keep yourself in it.
Why is brotherly love so important?” It’s important, because it reveals who we are to the world, doesn’t it. John 13:34 says, “A new commandment write I unto you, that you love one another. By this shall all men know that you’re My disciples if you have love one for another.” And God gave the world the right to evaluate who we were on the basis of our love for one another.
So it’s important that we have brotherly love, so that we consider others better than ourselves, so that we are meek and humble, that we are giving and granting the needs of others. Whether we sacrifice everything we have to do it or not it is important, because if we don’t, the world’s not going to be too sure who we belong to. And it’s important, because it reveals our identity to us.
It is important in brotherly love is it delights God. Psalm 133:1 says, “How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!” Did you know that God gets happy about that? If you really want to give glory to God, live in brotherly love. And when I talk about brotherly love, I’m not talking about some sentimentalism, I’m talking about the brotherly love in commitment.
In the church brotherly love isn’t what it ought to be. But Jesus knew that would happen. In Matthew 24:12 He said, “Because lawlessness will multiply, the love of many will grow cold.” What kind of lawlessness? Well, the major lawlessness is pride. God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble. James 4:10, “Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will exalt you.”
Self‑love perverts everything. Self must die if brotherly love is to continue. Pride holds grudges; pride holds grievances. Jesus said in John 13, “Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly.” The disciples are arguing about who is the greatest in the kingdom and Jesus got down and washed their feet. Then He said, “You see what I did to you; do it to each other.”
Verse 2 says: “Don’t neglect to show hospitality, for by doing this some have welcomed angels as guests without knowing it.” Now this here could refer to believers and unbelievers. The Bible says that we are to show love to everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:15, “See to it that no one repays evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good for one another and for all.”
A pastor in a church should have an open home where people can come and take part in his life and have their needs met, if their needs exist that can be supplied by him. That showed a loving heart, and it showed somebody who was willing to get burned just for the joy of expressing love. The idea is, “You don’t know what God might do in someone’s life, just because of your love.”
Jesus even took it a step further, and He said in Matthew 25, “I was a stranger, and you took me in, I was naked, and you clothed me; I was sick and in prison, and you visited me. Then they answered saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick? Verily I say to you, in as much as you did it to one of the least of these, you did it to Me.”
The second statement of ethic: sympathy. Verse 3, “Remember those in prison, as though you were in prison with them, and the mistreated, as though you yourselves were suffering bodily.” Those Christians had a lot of trouble staying out of jail, because they were always being thrown in for their faith. And He says, “Remember them that are in bonds, who suffer adversity.”
There are a lot of people with a lot of needs, and the church needs to learn how to share burdens. Paul said in Galatians 6:2, “Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.”
Secondly, what is the believers’ responsibility to himself? Verse 4, “Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.” Now sexual impurity is not only a sin against others, but it is a sin against ourselves. God looks at marriage as an honorable thing; He invented it. It’s not honorable in the world today.
And that means that sexually, in your bed between you and your wife, or you and your husband, there is nothing you can do that is wrong. The bed is undefiled. He doesn’t qualify it any further than that. When you were married to the one you love, you became that one’s property. For the expression of that love there is no impurity whatsoever in anything that you would do together.
Now Scripture gives three reasons for marriage. One, propagation of children. Genesis 1:27 says, “Now you get together, you’re one flesh. Propagate, replenish the earth.” Second, Marriage is to prevent immorality. 1 Corinthians 7:2, “Nevertheless to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and every woman her own husband.” Thirdly, it eliminates solitude.
God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Marriage propagates children, prevents immorality, and eliminates solitude. Now those are theological reasons. Add to that the fact that marriage is an enjoyable and fulfilling relationship, and marriage was meant to be the expression of the fullness of love. So God has portrayed marriage in Scripture as a very honorable thing.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” Marry somebody who is saved. Make a value judgment on the basis of their reputation. Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.” Secondly, appearance. Two things the Bible says: a wanton look. Second thing: a proud look. Isaiah 3:9 says, “The show of their appearance does witness against them.”
Third thing, speech. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” What do they talk about? Fourth, clothes. That’s right, modesty. If clothes are showy, then the heart is vain. First Timothy 2:9 says, women are to be adorned with a quiet spirit in meekness and humility. Lastly, companions. Who does he keep company with? A person is known by his company. Read Psalm 1, it’s all there.
How do you make your marriage honorable? One, God is glorified in a family where the husband is the head in Ephesians 5. First Corinthians 11:3, “The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Secondly, the loving subjection of the wife. Thirdly, marriage that is honorable where it is regulated by love. How can I fulfill the one I love? What can I do to please that one?
Do you know that that’s the only time that a judgment statement goes along with an ethic in 1 Corinthians 13? God’s serious about sexual purity. You may fool around with illicit sex, you may fool around outside your marriage, and you may get away with it from the judgment of man’s standpoint; you’ll never get away with it from the judgment of God. God will judge, and in some way punishment comes.
The results of such a philosophy are pregnancies preceding more than one-fourth of all marriages, forcible rape in the United States every 20 minutes, hundreds of thousands of illegitimate babies, somewhere around 30,000 illegitimate babies born to girls ages 9 to 14. Teenagers account for 40 percent of out-of-wedlock births: Syphilis, gonorrhea is not only epidemic, it is pandemic everywhere.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 is the standard for sexual conduct: “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification: that you should stay away from fornication.” It’s usually referred to before marriage. Adultery means sex activity while you’re have sex with somebody other than your wife or husband. Principle one: Stay away from sex sin. Principle number one: Stay away from sex sin, far enough away to be pure.
Principle two, in verse 4, “Everyone of you should know how to possess his vessel” – and that means body – “in sanctification and honor.” Principle two: know how to handle your body so it honors God. To possess means to control. You go out on a date, and you begin to engage in a little extracurricular activity. Pretty soon you are not able to control your body, your body is controlling you.
How many men do you know in the ministry who didn’t do that, and rendered themselves a castaway in their ministry because they couldn’t control themselves in a sexual fashion? It’s happened many more times than any of us would like to think. And so the principle is there. Control your body so it honors God. Stay away from sexual activity. Principles three: Don’t act like the heathen.
How do they act? They’re guided by their lusts. And you hear it constantly, everywhere; topless and bottomless, and all the other stuff. All of a sudden the flood’s open and everybody’s running in. Why? Because everybody will go just as far as society will let them go without throwing them in jail. That’s depravity. Don’t act like that, not in the lusts of evil desire.
There are some principles. Stay away from sex sin. Control your body so it honors God. Do you honor God with your body: the way you dress, the way you walk, the things you do? Don’t act like the rest of the world acts guided by lust. And, fourth, don’t take advantage of other people. Don’t use other people to fulfill your needs and pleasures. That’s God’s standards. Let’s bow in prayer.