Honor your Father

Published by Stanley Pouw in 2013 · 16 June 2013

Now we’re all very much aware of the massive onslaught on the family. The church of Jesus Christ, those who are committed to Christ and to the Word of God, need to lead the nation and lead the world in upholding marriage and childbearing as God’s most precious blessing in all of human life.

In the familiar language of Psalm 127:1-2, we read this tribute to the family, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchmen keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors for He gives to His beloved, even His sleep.”

In every situation, we have to trust in the sovereign care of God. And then He uses the family as an illustration. Psalm 127:3-5, “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. 4Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. 5 How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.”

Children are a blessing from the Lord. Your children are a gift from the Lord; they’re borrowed, in one sense. They are on loan to be led to the knowledge of Christ, through the gospel so that righteousness can extend to the next generation. So it is true that Scripture says it’s not good to be alone. And Scripture also says it’s a blessing from the Lord to bring up children.

Now we are very much aware that children have a dominating role in our culture, which is not good. Once we had a patriarchal society, where the father was in charge. Now with no one home, because the father and the mother both work, we have a child-centered home and a child- centered society. Kids have been liberated from regular routine, constant, parental care and authority and are being raised by their peers, or by the media.

One school teacher put it this way, teachers are afraid of the principals, the principals are afraid of the superintendents, the superintendents are afraid of the board. The board members are afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. And the children are afraid of nobody. It’s a disaster in a society when children make their own way.

So let us look first at the responsibility of children. Ephesians 6:1-3, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

The word “children” here is not a word for infant. I will always be the child of my parents in the sense of this word, no matter what age I am. It is a common word used to speak of believers, those who are born of God who are children of God at any age. It includes all children, but it is not in particular pointing to small children because they can’t be commanded in the simple way this verse does it.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right,” means nothing to your three-year-old. This is referring to those that are old enough to understand the nature of the command as coming from God with a promise. And it is essentially the basic command that makes a home work.

Children, obey your parents. It is so basic to civilization that this command is given in Exodus 20:12 in the Ten Commandments, right? But the flipside of that commandment in Exodus 21:15,17, and Leviticus 20: 9, is that if a child doesn’t do that, capital punishment is pronounced upon a rebellious, disobedient child.

This is all about giving that child wisdom, instruction, understanding and discernment. Proverbs 1:8-10, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction. Do not forsake your mother’s teaching; 9 they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments around your neck. 10 My son, if sinners entice you,” and there’s the alternative, where instead of being raised by your parents and obeying your parents, you follow your peer group and it’s disastrous.

In Proverbs 2:1-6, “My son, if you will receive my words and treasure my commandments within you, 2 make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding. 3 If you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding. 4 If you seek her as silver and search for her as for hidden treasure, 5 you will discern the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God, 6 for the Lord gives wisdom.”

In Proverbs 3:1-2, Solomon says, “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments for length of days and years of life and peace, they will add to you.” Proverbs 4:1- 4, “Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding 2 cause I give you sound teaching. Don’t abandon my instruction. 3 When I was a son to my father, when I was tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, 4 then he taught me and said to me, ‘Let your heart hold fast to my words. Keep my commandments and live.’” This is the theme.

Proverbs 4:10, “Hear, my son, accept my sayings and the years of your life will be many.” Obey your parents and you’ll live a life of quality and quantity. Proverbs 5:1, “My son, give attention to my wisdom.” Proverbs 7:1, “My son, keep my words, treasure my commandments within you.” Proverbs 8:32, “Now therefore, O sons, listen to me and blessed are they who keep my ways.”

This is what every father and mother should teach their children, to follow the wisdom that came from God through the parents. And this wisdom was supported with discipline. Proverbs 12:1, “Whoever loves discipline, loves knowledge.” Proverbs 13:1, “A wise son accepts his father’s discipline.”

So it’s the instruction supported by discipline. Proverbs 15: 5, “A fool rejects his father’s discipline. But he who regards reproof is sensible 6 and great wealth is the house of the righteous but trouble is in the income of the wicked.” There are temporal benefits and economic benefits to obeying parents as they disseminate wisdom that comes from God.

Children lack in four areas that are demonstrated to us in Luke 2:52 in the case of the Lord Jesus. We read that our Lord Jesus grew, increasing in wisdom and stature and favor with God and men. Here are the four categories in which children need to grow. Wisdom, that’s the mental capacity; stature, that’s the physical capacity; favor with men, that’s the social capacity; and favor with God, that’s the spiritual capacity.

We care for them mentally by what they learn and what they understand. We care for them physically by what we give them to eat and how we take care of their physical needs. We want them to develop socially. We want them to learn social graces, how to interact with people. And then we want them to develop spiritually with God.

Now let’s look closely at, “Children, obey your parents.” That is because that’s what the Lord wants you to do. Parents teach by asking, “Do you think the Lord is pleased with your attitude? Do you think the Lord would be pleased if he saw you do what you’re doing?” We’re constantly reminding them that this is bigger than just the mother and the father, this is all about the Lord.

Often times children say to you, “But why?” And you say, “Because it’s right.” “Well who made it right?” God determines what is right. There is right way and there is wrong way, and the world isn’t going to tell your children that. Your kids say, “But everybody else is doing it.” Well, we’re not everybody else. We’re different, we’re separated to do what the Lord wants we should do.

There’s more than just obedience because Ephesians 6: 2 says, “Honor your father and mother.” This is the attitude that goes along with the behavior. The action is obedience, the attitude is honor. Our obedience is to be coupled with honor, respect, love and affection for a parent.

Kids don’t come hard wired to conduct their lives this way. We have the responsibility to teach them how to obey and honor their parents so that they would know what it means to obey and honor the Lord. And that is the primary challenge for a parent. They’re not going to learn that on their own. They need, to be led to the knowledge of Christ but they also need to be taught obedience and honor through discipline.

Honor your father and mother is the first commandment with a promise. And what is the promise? Ephesians 6:3, “That it may be well with you,” First, quality of life comes to an obedient child. Obedient children will enjoy life, because they will enjoy the blessing of God. That is the promise of God. And here’s also a promise that “you may live long on the earth.”

How do you get your child to obey and honor parents? Well, let’s go back to Proverbs 3: 11-12, “My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord, or loathe His reproof, for whom the Lord loves, He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.” It’s by correction, that’s part of discipline.

We get an idea of some of the means of correction, Proverbs 10:13, “a rod is for the back of him who lacks understanding.” In Proverbs 19:18 we read, “Discipline your son while there is hope and don’t desire His death.” Discipline him while he is still young because if you don’t discipline him, you might be looking into his casket when he is an adult.

In Proverbs 22:15, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 23:13-14, “Do not hold back discipline from the child. Although you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 14 You shall strike him with a rod and rescue his soul from Sheol.”

Corporal physical punishment of a child could actually be used by God to save his soul from hell! Now you understand why there’s such a movement in the non-Christian world to get rid of corporal punishment. The devil does not like people to be saved from hell.

In Proverbs 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom. But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Verse 17, “Correct your son and he’ll give you comfort and delight your soul.” It says in Proverbs 28:24, “Whoever robs his father or his mother, and says, ‘It is no transgression,’ the same is companion to a destroyer.”

Summing it up, Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he’s old, he won’t depart from it.” And you want your children to be a blessing to you, don’t you? We’re not talking about child abuse; we’re talking about what is reasonable and in the context of love as we all understand. And we’ll see that in the second point, the submission of the parents.

If you cross the line of discipline, your children will become angry and they will resent you and they will resent the Lord, and they will resent the church, and they will resent the gospel. You want to make them sorry that they violated your love and care for them. You want to make them sorry that they dishonored the Lord. But what you never want to do is make them angry at you and at God and at Scripture and at the church.

Now what specifically is the role of the father? 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12, “You are witnesses, and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; 11 as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, 12 that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.” And two things come out of this: the responsibility to live the life and set the example, and the responsibility to instruct.

And Paul starts with example, “be devout, holy”. It refers to one’s heart relationship to God. But then he says, “justly,” and that moves to righteous behavior, adherence to the law of God. In the inside my heart has to be right before God, and on the outside we see the manifestation as I try to live my life of fulfilling the law of God, both toward man and God.

And then he adds, “and blamelessly.” Free from anything that would discredit him, anything that would disqualify him. This is how it has to be in a father. This is a work of grace, so is sanctification. We can only say that after years of struggle. Can you say that God knows how devoutly, how righteously, how blamelessly you have lived your life? That only happens by grace, and your children will see that.

You know, it isn’t so much what fathers say to their children that influences the chld, it’s what fathers are; otherwise you’re going to have hypocrisy, right? And who wants to pattern his life after a hypocrite? He says, “You are witnesses and so is God, how devoutly, and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you children.”

It isn’t just that you need to live a godly life before unbelievers. That’s true, Matthew 5:16, “let your light shine, right, they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” But you need to live a godly life like a father before his children. So they need to know you. That’s the first role that the spiritual father has is to set the standard by example.

Then in verse 11, he adds the instructional part of it, “as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, by witnessing, testifying, solemnly charging every one of you, as a father does his own children.” That’s how we have to view the responsibility of spiritual leadership of a father.

The father is the spiritual leader of the family. It’s a balancing act, it really is. On the one hand you have to have a concern for your children and a concern for the spiritual relationship to God. You have to have a concern for kindness and a concern for discipline. You have to be patient and you have to be firm and loving.

And look, in a family with children, this always is a problem. That’s why there is a mom and a dad, because those things have to be in balance. Children need to grow up with love, acceptance, compassion, tenderness, patience, warmth, security; then you grow up with a model, a good example, strong teaching, encouragement and direction.

That’s not easy to do. But that’s the standard that God sets. Who is going to be able to do this? Well, Paul asked that question in 2 Corinthians 3 when he said, “Who is adequate for these things?” No man is adequate for these things. Then he said this, “But our adequacy comes from God.” It is by God’s grace and God’s power that we are able to even do this kind of leadership.

Do you remember in Hebrews 13: 17, where the writer of Hebrews says to people in the church, “Submit to your leaders for they watch for your souls?” When the leaders are parents in a family, like a faithful father who watches their souls, the children will grow, flourish and mature. Those children become the joy of the parents, right?

What is my greatest joy humanly speaking? To one day see people in the presence of the Lord. That’s the same for a father, to see his children in the presence of the Lord; that’s his greatest joy. It isn’t just the success of the church; it’s the eternal fellowship of the family you love. That’s what being a father is. Let us pray.